Category: News


Creative Day: Norwegian Cruises

Welcome to the first-ever edition of Creative Day! The first order of business for Creative Day is helping me come up with a better name. After reading this first article you can feel free to suggest any and all names and maybe I will choose one. You are also free to suggest a name without having read anything I have written, but that kinds of seems like a cheap, dickish move, so maybe not.

Creative Day from this point on is going to be a weekly article where I write about whatever crosses my mind in the moments before my hands gently embrace the keyboard before me. One week I might make up a top ten list for the greatest of the Doctor’s companions, while the following week I’ll post up some fan fiction for Mass Effect that puked its way into my brain. Ooh, maybe I should name the column Brain Pukes. Would you read a weekly column called Brain Pukes? How about Brain Vomit Maybe I should stop thinking about this before I actually vomit seeing as I now appear to have an aptitude for sea sickness.

That brings me to what is likely going to be my first edition for this new thing: Cruises. Just as a point of understanding, when I say cruises I don’t mean those dinky little day-long booze cruises your parent’s go on because they’re sick of looking at your face; I mean the 5, 7, or even longer cruises done on huge Titanic-esque boats operated by Royal Caribbean, Princess, and many more.

You may be asking yourself: “Josh, what in the flying and/or walking fuck does going on a cruise have to do with a nerd culture website like yours?” Well to answer you question you malignant tit, if you were lying out on a balcony of a cruise ship looking out over the beautiful snow-covered mountain greenery of Alaska you would probably want to write something about it as well. So suck it up and read something about a topic that might be outside your normal comfort zone for once.

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Kevin Pereira Departs Attack of the Show

G4TV.com announced a short while ago that Kevin Pereira, host of Attack of the Show on G4, will be leaving AOTS after the channels Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) coverage. Below is what Stephen Johnson wrote up on G4TV.com:

After more than a decade on the air, host Kevin Pereira is leaving Attack of the Show. Attack will celebrate Pereira’s contribution to G4 with a month-long look back at his most memorable comedy sketches, interviews, and hilarious off-the-cuff moments from the show. The Pereira-palooza will culminate on May 31, his final day on AOTS, before Pereira delivers his final live, on-location coverage for the gaming world’s biggest event, the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3), from June 4-7. In other words: Kevin’s going out large.

“For the last ten years, G4 has provided me a phenomenal career filled with countless once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and the chance to work with some of the most driven, talented and passionate people in the business,” said Pereira. “I want to thank our viewers for allowing me to inform and entertain them each and every week.”

My thinking is that this was bound to happen soon, if for no other reason than to allow Pereira to work more on leetUP. leetUP is, to quote Kevin Pereira, “…[a] live touring nerd-carnival…” My wife and I drove out to the first-ever leetUP in Los Angeles this past March, and aside for some security snafus it was an amazing evening. The most recent plans for leetUP have seemed to be, as Pereira stated, to take it on tour. As a full-time host of AOTS, Pereira likely wouldn’t have the time for such an endeavor.

We here at Constantly Calibrating are huge fans of both Attack of the Show and X-Play, so it’s sad to see another of the classic, if not the greatest, G4 “superheroes” leave. Adam Sessler recently departed G4 in a subdued, but public, manner which was nearly heartbreaking for us here. To see the other major G4 host leave, is upsetting, but maybe it’s time. Kevin Pereira has done some great work with G4, which we will be watching over the next month, but there comes a time for everyone to move on, and maybe this is it for him.

We wish Kevin Pereira the best of luck in the future, and will be stalking following him and his career for some time to come.

Now, if anyone from G4 is reading this (ha!), then be sure to know that here at Constantly Calibrating we have two plucky (plucky?!) young co-hosts who would be happy to look into filling the void Kevin Pereira leaves. Either one of us are fully capable, in theory, of taking on such a gig. Let us know! We’ll be patiently waiting by something for your contract to be delivered!

Source: Kevin Pereira Leaving Attack of The Show (G4TV)

Welcome to another installment of RetroRewind. Today we bring you the sixth installment in our tales of Larry Laffer. RetroRewind is a few days delayed this week due to the unfortunate, cruel mistress that is real life. We do have a huge announcement on the subject of Leisure Suit Larry to bring you! Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards: Reloaded is officially funded! As of this morning the Kickstarter campaign has concluded with Larry raising over $655k. What does this mean for Mr. Laffer? Well it means that the upcoming game will have assorted updates to the story, including a new “conquest” for Larry with her own storyline. Now with that news out of the way we take you back into the sixth of Larry’s journeys: Leisure Suit Larry 6: Shape up or Slip Out!

Leisure Suit Larry 6 Title

Larry Laffer is journeying along Venice Beach, checking out all the body-builders working their stuff. Suddenly a comically large limo pulls up with a producer in-tow looking for a gentleman to become a bachelor on a new dating show. Larry, being the superb example of male-perfection obviously accepts the gig. The show is Stallions hosted by Leisure Suit Larry 2’s Biff Stiff. Over the course of the game show Larry ends up losing out on his previous cruise ship dating show glory, but he does win a most-expenses paid weekend at La Costa Lotta Spa & Resort. Now Larry’s latest journey can begin! Continue reading

Well, that was quite the interesting detour that RetroRewind took earlier today. Apparently we’re now covering fictional, poorly written and halfassed games as well. But, enough about my creative skills; we’re here to discuss Leisure Suit Larry 5: Passionate Patti Does a Little Undercover Work. The year is 1991 and Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards has just been remade and re-released with new up-to-date, modern adventure game stylings. Larry’s last numbered out was Leisure Suit Larry III: Passionate Patti in Pursuit of Pulsating Pectorals in which Larry finally found the true love of his life on Nontoonyt Island. He also stumbled through a magical temporal schism onto the backlot of Sierra Entertainment becoming, along with Patti, game designers for the company. Their job being to design games based on Larry’s life.

Sometime after this they begin work on Leisure Suit Larry 4, but sometime after this something happens and Patti and Larry part ways. Larry suffers amnesia and gets a job as chief rewinder and sterilizer of the Betamax division of PornProdCorp, a company specializing in semi-pornographic television and video. Patti however goes back to her pianist (hehe) ways and starts working in a summa lounge. That is until she gets visited by the FBI and asked to investigate the possibility of subliminal messages being implanted into music throughout industry. Larry is given the task of tracking down, and secretly taping, three beautiful woman around the country in the hopes of giving them a job (if you know what I mean). Thus begins Leisure Suit Larry 5: Passionate Patti Does a Little Undercover Work.

Leisure Suit Larry 5 Title Screen Continue reading

Holy crap this game was difficult to track down! After entire hours of trying I finally managed to find, at my local gas station no less, a copy of the fabled Leisure Suit Larry 4: The Case of the Missing Floppies. This game was decades ahead of its time and a monumentally worthy follow-up to Leisure Suit Larry III: Passionate Patty in Pursuit of the Pulsating Pectorals. Why Sierra decided to discontinue Al Lowe’s masterpiece after only a few hundred copies were sold is beyond me. Maybe these were the first signs of the beginning of the end for Sierra Entertainment. Maybe a game of such awesomeness was feared by the public at large. I was still a child at the time, so I can’t say. I also neglect to understand how to use the internet. With that I bring you our RetroRewind for Leisure Suit Larry 4: The Case of the Missing Floppies!

Leisure Suit Larry 4 Floppy Disk

Remember when games still released on these?

In their last outing Larry Laffer and Passionate Patti escaped from a tribe of cannibalistic Amazonian woman via a “magic” marker created doorway. This doorway led them onto the set of Sierra Entertainment where they both became game designers under the tutelage of Roberta Williams. In The Case of the Missing Floppies we find the couple a year later planning their wedding. However things aren’t as perfect as they seem. Patti has grown restless in uber-sexy world of video game design and longs for a career in journalism. Larry doesn’t understand her passions since it springs up out of nowhere. They fight and argue, but little gets resolved.

Finally the day of their wedding rolls around and Larry and Patti stand waiting to be married. Patti hears on the news some story about a nefarious gentleman by name of Julius Biggs and suddenly feels a tingling sensation in an area long forgotten. The back of her brain where the ideas of journalistic integrity is stored begins to tingle and Patti takes off without a word to Larry. Larry, heartbroken again wanders off back to their home in a brief fit of depression.

This is where the game changes things up. The story jumps forward a few months and Larry is making his way to a hotel for what he thinks is a date with famed recording artist Chestie L’rue, but what is actually a trap by Julius Biggs to lure Patti (now his nemesis) into a trap. Larry falls for it hookline and sinker, but when Patti arrives to save her true love it turns out that the trap was itself a trap. Julius Biggs used the distraction to sneak into their former home and steal something that would cause Patti true harm. Biggs breaks into their office and makes off with the floppy disks containing Larry’s next major game: Leisure Suit Larry 4. As soon as the disks are removed from their home Larry slips into a coma. Forgetting her vendetta against Biggs for a time, Patti rushes her love to the nearest hospital.You see, Larry has been recreating his life through the Leisure Suit Larryseries of games, but by Biggs making off with his ongoing story it caused a feedback loop that ruptured the space-time continuum, fracturing Larry’s psyche. The game ends with a cliffhanger, which was a first for the series.

Leisure Suit Larry 4 Floppy Disk

Also for some reason the copies stolen were on 3.5" floppies, the total opposite of how the the game in our world was released.

My Take

LSL4 BoxWell for starters, as to be expected this game takes a huge leap in graphics from the previous game. Sound quality is nice as well. I think my favorite thing was the decision to release the game in a beautiful faux-wood box, which you can see to the left. Well done on that one Sierra Entertainment. The one thing that I found odd initially was the choice to make the game so much more dramatic. Gone is the irreverent, perverse comedy that put the series on the map; instead leaving behind a game filled with dark humor and edgy material. However, I will say that I love the change in the series. Even though it only lasted for a single game, it was still a refreshing change of pace for the series. I can’t wait til tomorrow for the conclusion to this story with Leisure Suit Larry 5: Passionate Patti Does a Little Undercover Work.

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My dear RetroRewind; we meet again. Allow us safe passage back into the year, 1989 and I will allow your life force to be sustained by the accumulated energy of the helpless eyeholes gazing helplessly at their monitors. Shit, I think they heard me!

Hi there! Yesterday we brought you the gripping tale of what happens when Leisure Suit Larry Goes Looking For Love (In Several Wrong Places). Today we will move onto the third of the tales of Larry; Larry Laffer. (By the way, anyone else here Larry’s iconic giggle every time they read his name?) Onward we go into a story that goes back to the roots of the original game. A game filled with sexual innuendos, lewd humor, pixelated nudity, and all the late-80s humor that they could stuff into a single game. Strap on (hehe) your seatbelt as we journey back to Nontoonyt Island for Leisure Suit Larry III: Passionate Patti in Pursuit of the Pulsating Pectorals!

Leisure Suit Larry 3 Title Screen

Forgive the giant fist entering Patti's name, because I had a joke to put here except now I'm giggling like an idiot.

An undisclosed number of years has passed since last we saw Mr. Laffer and many things have changed. Nontoonyt Island has turned into the tourist-baiting paradise the natives have always dreamed of. Hotels, casinos, and clubs spread out across most of the island and the natives have formed their own company, aptly named Natives Inc. Larry is still married to Kalalau and has let island living get the better of him. What I mean to say is that Larry has become quite the rotund gentleman. This, likely as well as a new-found appreciation of the female form has led Kalalau, Larry’s 2nd wife, to the decision of leaving him for a woman; which is the last we see of her. This leaves Larry heartbroken and despondent. What is a hawaiian shirt wearing sexual dynamo to do when the love of his life leaves him for some random Amazonian Harley-riding former-cannibal slot-machine repairwoman? Continue reading